An absence of Stu ‘long tassels’ Avery and an injury to Will Duffy’s ankle meant Portsmouth attack wasn’t as strong as the norm.

Despite the Portsmouth attack being absent, this didn’t prevent the island city from taking a strong hold of the game with much good plan on and off the ball. Good transfers round the back and some great but old and wearing midfield legs from Paul Wallis and Chris Butler gave Portsmouth the ‘leg up’ that they needed to put Petersfield on the back foot.

Despite the fact Portsmouth were all over the opposition, Petersfield found a gap and found themselves through on goal however Ben ‘the Lump’ Lewis smashed the opposition stick stopping an almost guaranteed goal. The Pompey defender scraped by without receiving a card and Petersfield were awarded a short corner. Somehow, against the run of play, Petersfield put the ball past Archie Chapman-Sheath and into the back of the goal.

Portsmouth 0-1 Petersfield

The good transfers continued and utilising the fullbacks Rudi ‘the ginge on hinge’ Lambert and Pete Wiles found themselves working the line but a lack of supporting lead runs meant that there was no high outlet.

After Petersfield’s short corner, the home side replied with their own. A sneaky slip left to Chesh, slotted it past the oppositions keeper to equalise the scoreline.

Portsmouth 1-1 Petersfield

Another short corner later saw Daniel ‘Kempy’ Kemp step up and fake a drag flick, slipping the ball past the number one runner, putting himself through on the keeper he flicked it past him and into the net.
However some bumbling from the umpires later led to them rewriting the definition of a flick and making the umpire of the year - ruling the goal out for a high shot despite it being a flick.

The skills of Tom ‘the banker’ Boswell annoyed the Petersfield team so much that they smashed through his kneecap, aiming take him out for good.

Hayden Farmer decided to make a run of his own down the sideline and went from his own ‘25’, past the half line and off the end of the pitch.

Hoping to tip the balance in their favour, Lewis found himself with the ball on the opposition’s baseline charging into the D and twirling like he’s Eddie Hall in a tutu, he squared the ball across the face of the goal to Kempy who scored and early himself a deserved goal.

Portsmouth 2-1 Petersfield

The Portsmouth celebrations continued and the halftime whilst blew.

Halftime : Portsmouth 2-1 Petersfield

Returning to the field and determined to earn another 3 points, Portsmouth started hard and fast. Attacks down the wings from Luke Parsons and Chris Bollom, frightened the Petersfield defence as their enormous wingspan was the reincarnation of a Boeing 747.

Another short corner won saw Portsmouth’s forward smash the ball wide but to Kempy’s luck a Petersfield player chose to switch sports and kick the ball all the way into his own net.

Portsmouth 3-1 Petersfield

A Petersfield attack collapsed and look promising but the clearance fell to Chris ‘Mr Bean’ Bollom, who had evidently watched Gemma Collins the night before, as he wanted to fall like he was on ice.

A hattrick came for Portsmouth as Kempy put away his third goal of the match.

Portsmouth 4-1 Petersfield

Petersfield scrounge up a last ditch effort to get back into the game resulting in a goal, unfortunately it was in the end just a consolation goal.

Portsmouth 4-2 Petersfield

Further attempts from Portsmouth saw a shot going in only to be met by a Petersfield foot. Resulting in what could only ever be a flick. Deciding that 3 goals wasn’t enough, Kempy stood up and took the flick slotting it away for his fourth goal in the match.

Portsmouth 5-2 Petersfield

More and more attacks came but nothing occurred with a few near misses with shots and passes from will that just grazed the face of the goal.

Reminiscing of the first half Lewis found himself in the Petersfield ‘D’ once again. However this time, he got jealous of Bollom and fell to the floor like a soggy biscuit falling apart. Talks about a dive that would rival Tom Daley at the olympics, aroused the defender as he shot to his feet quickly to call the player some profanities.

A few scrappy tackles gave Portsmouth another short corner. Lewis and Chesh played some nice one-two passes ending in a shot which was met by the hand of the Petersfield keeper. Unable to clear it though the ball fell to TomBos who took no mercy and smashed the ball into the back of the net for a last second goal.

Fulltime: Portsmouth 6-2 Petersfield

D.o.D - Ben Lewis (no one knows why probably just because he looks funny)

M.o.M - Luke Parsons (For a brilliant performance with great skills and passes that helped construct a lot of the Portsmouth attacks)